Hungry Hearts
by GeorgiaBluWaters
Summary: Enrolled in Elwood's Boarding Academy, Evan Hansen navigates through a whirlwind of events, as his fate intertwines with a frequent drug user, a sarcastic insomniac, a wishful musician, and a change-seeking genius. But, what will happen when Evan receives a mysterious package that contains messages linked to his past? - (Disclaimer; I do not own anything related to DEH. Enjoy!)
1. Prologue

The buildings and trees that stretched across the horizon passed quickly as Evan Hansen gazed out of the car window, his head resting against the cold glass.

"And you're sure you don't need any help unpacking? You have everything you need, right?" Heidi asked from the driver's seat.

"Mom, I'll be fine," Evan responded, "I promise."

The car slowly pulled into the entrance of Elwood's Boarding Academy. The large gates seemed almost intimidating. Evan could see the colossal, intricately designed school looming in the distance, along with several perfectly trimmed trees standing vigil along the sides of the pavement that lead to the large building. Everything felt so small and simple in comparison to the large stone pillars that stood in front of the building. Heidi noticed her son's concern with the new surroundings.

"I know it's a big change, but this is such a good opportunity for you," Heidi sighed, "Who knows, maybe you'll even get a few friends out of this! And, I'll always be here to visit on the weekends. And if you ever need to talk to me, just call."

"O-Okay…" Evan said quietly. He wasn't too thrilled to be attending a boarding school. Terrified, actually. He didn't want to meet new people or adjust to new surroundings, but he felt like a burden to his mother at home. Once his therapist suggested Evan branching out into new places to meet new people, he felt it would be best if he could relieve his mother of some stress as well.

Heidi pulled the car to a stop once they reached the parking lot. Stepping out of the car, she opened the trunk and unloaded his bag. Evan stepped out of the car as Heidi sighed, closing the trunk.

"It won't be as bad as you think it's going to be, sweetie. I promise," Heidi said.

"Alright…" Evan smiled.

"I'm going to miss you so much, Evan," Heidi said, pulling her son into a long hug.

Evan exhaled, "I'll miss you too."

After a few seconds, Heidi pulled away and smiled as she brushed her thumb against the side of Evan's face.

"I'll see you this weekend, okay?" she said.

"Okay," Evan nodded.

* * *

"Connor, are you even paying attention?" Larry Murphy's voice grumbled from the driver's seat. Connor looked up from the back seat, struggling to keep his eyes open.

"What?" Connor impatiently asked.

"I was just saying that it's important to actually talk to people while you're here," Cynthia said, turning back to face her son and daughter.

"I won't be the one having any problems with that," Zoe said.

"Zoe…" Cynthia started, only to be interrupted by her daughter.

"What's the point? I was doing just fine at our old school. I shouldn't have to come here, but here I am. I have to leave all my friends from band behind. I have to start all over again," Zoe said, "At least this time I don't have to be known as 'the freak's younger sister.'"

"Fuck you," Connor angrily replied.

"Zoe, Connor, enough!" Cynthia said, "Believe it or not, this is going to be a good change for you. Both of you."

Pulling into the parking lot, Larry parked the car, Connor and Zoe stopping to get their bags out of the back. Waving one final goodbye, they watched as their mother and father drove away.

Connor turned back to see that Zoe had already began to walk towards the entrance building, guitar case in hand. He sighed to himself.

Part of him hoped he could start over again.

* * *

"You've packed your books?"

"Yes."

"Your folders?"

"Yes."

"Your resume for other extra-curricular activities?"

"Yes."

Alana sat in the passenger seat next to her father.

"Just making sure," Mr. Beck said, the turning to his daughter, "You're going to do great, honey. This school is perfect for you."

"You think so?" Alana asked, faking as much excitement as she could.

"I know so," her father replied as he parked the car, "I'm so proud to have the daughter that I have."

Alana only smiled in response as she got out of the car, Mr. Beck handing her bags to her.

"You're going to do great things, Alana," Mr. Beck said, "You'll graduate with incredible grades, get into any college you want… You'll do it all…"

"Thanks, dad," Alana said, quickly hugging him goodbye before walking towards the entrance, the fake smile vanishing from her face.

* * *

Jared looked out the window as he listened to music through his headphones. His mother and father were both on the phone. Probably something to do with work he assumed. Summer had ended and he'd arrived home from a Jewish summer camp a few nights ago. He was miserable the entire time, having not made any friends.

Of course, he wouldn't tell his parents this. He didn't tell his parents anything about himself anymore. If he did, one of two things would happen. His parents either wouldn't care, or they would overreact completely. There was no inbetween.

The car came to a stop in the parking lot. Jared grabbed his belongings and cleared his throat, grabbing their attention.

"I'll, uh… I'll call," Jared said, "I know you're busy but-"

Moving the phone away from her mouth, his mother managed an, 'Okay.'

"Bye, then," Jared said, watching as his parents waved goodbye and drove off. He halfheartedly waved back, before entering the school.


	2. Suffocating Silence

Evan stood outside the door to room 4C, bags in hand. He didn't want to go inside. What if his roommates were already there? What if they thought he was strange or unusual?

His hand hovered over the doorknob for a few minutes, before a voice spoke behind him.

"4C?" the voice asked.

Evan jumped, surprised. Quickly he turned around, meeting face-to-face with a shorter young man. He was slightly stocky, and had brown hair. He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

"Woah, sorry," he said, raising his arms up, "didn't mean to surprise you or anything. I'm Jared Kleinman."

An awkward silence passed, before Evan quickly spoke.

"O-Oh, um, sorry," he quickly said, "Evan. I mean, uh, that's my name. Evan Hansen"

Jared smiled, amused, "Nice to meet you, then, Evan Hansen."

Evan stood for a moment in uncertainty. Jared seemed to notice.

"I'm not used to this place either," Jared said, "I came in and the first thing I saw was the science teacher. He looked like he had a history of at least seven criminal records."

Jared jokingly smirked, trying to lighten the mood. There were obvious dark clouds looming over the both of them.

"So, uh," Jared slowly said, "Should we go in…?"

Evan quickly nodded, opening the door to the room. The inside of the door room was a bit larger than Evan expected. There was a bed against each wall, a window on the one farthest from the door. Under each bed were several drawers and places to store belongings, and next to the door to the bathroom was a small mini fridge, alongside several other cupboards to keep food. In one of the corners, there was a very old looking television, equipped with an old VHS player. It looked as if it hadn't been touched in years. The room was quite dull.

As Evan placed his bag onto one of the small beds, Jared sat down on top of his own.

"You don't talk much, do you?" he said.

"I… uh, well, I mean," Evan trailed off.

Jared only shrugged with a laugh, "Sorry in advance, then. I never shut up."

Evan found himself laughing slightly as he continued to unpack. He already missed home.

Once Evan had hung up some pictures from his old home, the door to the dorm room opened. Evan and Jared simultaneously looked up to see a boy with shoulder-length brown hair, dressed in dark colors.

"H-Hello," Evan said.

The young man only stared at the two and sighed, "Great."

He slowly entered the room, setting down his belongings onto the third bed with a cold expression.

"Nice outfit," Jared said with a smirk as he finished making his bed, "I'm really feeling the grunge-punk-hobo style."

The boy looked up with an ice cold glare. Jared froze.

"...Aaaalright then," he said, returning his attention to his belongings.

Evan quickly dropped his gaze, uncomfortably fidgeting with his shirt. The silence in the room was almost deafening.

"So, anyway," Jared said, "I'm Jared, this is Evan, and you are…"

The boy remained quiet.

"...still not responding," Jared finished.

The young man looked up, "If you honestly care so fucking much, I'm Connor. And, I don't want to be here, let alone be pestered by some annoying roommate."

Evan flinched, which Connor seemed to notice. His expression softened a bit.

"Sorry…" he mumbled.

"I-It's fine," Evan said quietly.

"Look, I get it," Jared said, "I don't think any of us want to be here."

The stone cold silence filled every corner of the room once more, until all three had unpacked their bags. Each part of the room that the three occupied had been turned into a makeshift home. The plain walls had been covered in posters or photographs, covering the melancholy atmosphere.

The room still felt empty. No one said a word. The quiet atmosphere was almost suffocating. Evan knew that each of them wanted to speak. They each wanted to say something that would make the dreadful tension in the room melt away.

Evan's mind was racing the entire time. Why did he have to stay here? Was it all because of his anxiety? Why couldn't he live a normal life? His head was cleared of thoughts as he heard his phone ring. Quickly picking it up, he stepped aside and answered the call.

"Hello?"

"Hi, honey," Heidi's voice said, "Just calling to make sure you're all settled in."

"Yeah," he said, "I'm fine."

"Have you met your roommates yet?" Heidi asked hopefully.

"Yes," Evan replied, "I talked to them."

"That's great, honey!" Heidi said, "I know it seems weird, and it seems like you won't get used to it, but you'll be so much happier."

"Alright…" Evan said.

"...Okay, then," Heidi said, "Sorry for being obsessive. I just want to make sure everything's okay. I know everything's going to go well. You're going to be happy there. I love you!"

"Love you too," Evan said, hearing the phone click as his mother hung up.

He turned back to see his two roommates.

"Was that your dad or something?" Connor asked, trying to start conversation.

"Oh, no," Evan said, stammering in a mile-a-minute fashion, "He left. My dad, I mean. It had something to do with my uncle. That was my mom on the phone. She calls a lot. Even when I lived back at home, she'd always call and check in on me. I guess that's just what she feels like she has to do, since my dad left, y'know?"

Evan stopped, looking back down.

"Sorry, once I start talking sometimes I…" he trailed off, deciding to change the subject, "A-Anyay, there's, uh, supposed to be a 'welcome to Elwood dinner' or something downstairs in the common room."

"Oh, right!" Jared said, "Want to go check that out?"

"I probably should. My sister's going, anyway," Connor said, standing up from his bed, looking at Evan, "Are you coming, too?"

"I might…" Evan replied, "You both should go ahead."

"Suit yourself," Jared said, before awkwardly waving goodbye and leaving the room, Connor following. Once the door closed, Evan sat at the edge of his bed, placing his head in his hands. How was he going to get used to all of this?

* * *

Alana turned the key to the door as she entered her new dorm room. She was exhausted. In between all the chaos of packing her belongings and promising to sustain her good grades, she had gotten no time to relax among the past few days.

Alana had registered as a senior last minute, so she had to share her room with a girl in the grade below her. She didn't really mind, though. Alana wasn't really expecting to talk to her roommate much anyway, with all the studying she would be doing.

As Alana opened the door, she had to adjust her eyes to what was before her.

Star-shaped christmas lights of every color hung from the ceiling, stretching back and forth above her. A vinyl record player sat on a shelf under one of the three beds in the room. One of the beds had been transformed into a couch, and on another stood a tall girl with brown hair. The girl was swaying to the old music as she strung the lights across the room.

Alana knocked on the doorframe, "Hello?"

The girl turned around, smiling as she jumped down from the bed, turning down the volume of the record player, "Oh, hi! I didn't hear you come in."

Alana smiled, "Oh, I just got here."

The girl's eyes even seemed to smile as she extended her hand, Alana taking it.

"I'm Zoe."

"Alana."

"Nice to meet you!" Zoe said, turning back to face the room, "Since we're the only two, I decided to turn the third bed into kind of a hang-out or study place. You don't mind, do you?"

"Not at all," Alana said as she placed her bags down, "I love all of this. It's really nice."

"Thanks," Zoe said as she sat down, speaking in a joking tone as she motioned to the record player, along with her guitar case, "I also hope you have a high tolerance for music."

"You play?" Alana asked.

"Back home I was a part of a jazz band at my school," Zoe said. The look on her face was reminiscent, as if she were looking back on a dream, "I'll miss it."

Alana smiled halfheartedly, "I guess this new environment will take some getting used to."

"You're telling me," Zoe said, "I had to come here because of my brother. My parents thought he wasn't doing well back at home, and so they decided to send him here. I guess it was just easier on them to send me here too."

Alana paused, "Well… I may not be jazz band, but I can try to make things a little less hard on you here."

Zoe laughed.

"Thanks."

* * *

Evan sighed as he leaned against his bed, sitting on the carpeted floor of his dorm room. There was no way he was going to go out there. The thought of being stuck in the center of a social situation made his stomach hurt.

Was it going to stay like this for the rest of the year?

It felt like his entire world had shifted upside down, spinning and revolving. Everything around him moved in slow motion, yet it was all out of his control, barely out of his reach.

Evan breathed deeply, running his hands through his hair as he felt his eyes shut.

His eyes then opened when he heard a knock at the door.

Even stood, heading toward the door, not wanting to open it. Who was it? What would he say? Would his words fall short like always?

Evan stood, hesitating before finally opening the door, only to find that there was no one there. The only remnant of a previous visitor was sitting before him.

In front of the door was a brown paper package. On it were the words, "To: Evan Hansen," scrawled in black ink.


	3. Blue Woods

Chapter 3

Evan had read over the letter from inside the package at least three times.

 _Evan,_

 _It's been quite some time, hasn't it? I wouldn't blame you for not even remembering who I am. You've probably heard tell of me every once and awhile. About the "horrible things" I've done. You've probably even been told that I was the catalyst of your parents' divorce. I suppose it's all somewhat true. After what happened, I could never show my face around your family again. It wouldn't be right._

 _Believe it or not, I attended Elwood's as well. At first, it was horrid. Over time, it grew on me. Your father did, too. He never learned to love it, though._

 _I suppose I should explain the contents of the package. There are a few VHS tapes, labeled in order. I won't take the time to fully explain them, I feel like they can accomplish that on their own._

 _I figured it was best if you found out the truth about everything. The truth that only I know too well. I felt you needed to know._

 _That will be all from me._

 _Enjoy your time at Elwood's._

 _Your uncle,_

 _C. Hansen_

It felt like the slowness of the world around him had shattered, leaving Evan with a sudden, cold reality, though it didn't even feel real. Was all of this really even happening?

Evan had been sitting in front of the plugged-in, broken-down television for at least an hour now. He knew that his new roommates could be back in any second. So, then, why was he so hesitant?

He had taken more than enough time processing the events that had occurred, but he still felt completely shaken. He didn't even know what could possibly be on the VHS tapes.

Enough, already!

All he had to do was play the first VHS tape if he was ever going to find out.

Inhaling shakily, he placed the first tape into the player, watching as the small screen flickered on.

" _Evan, what's that? What did you make?"_ _a voice from the screen asked from behind a shaky camera. As the camera focused, it showed the image of a boy standing in his front yard, beside a pile of stacked up cardboard boxes._

" _A treehouse! Only, without the tree,"_ _the boy's soft voice said._ As the blurred image cleared, Evan realized who the child was. Himself.

" _I've got something to show you, buddy!" said the man's voice behind the camera, a bandage-covered arm pointing towards a large oak tree, "See that over there? What's up in that tree?"_

 _The young Evan shuffled over to the tree, glancing up. As he turned back to the camera, his eyes were filled with wonder._ Evan could feel the memories returning to him. The small treehouse he owned as a child. He had spent so many summer days there. Through piles of books and glasses of lemonade, he'd sat there watching the clouds pass as a child. It was one of the only things he could still remember from his childhood.

" _I was walking by this morning while you were at school, and there it was! Must've been magic! Go ahead!" the man's voice laughed, "Climb up!"_

 _As the younger Evan climbed up the tree, the camera turned to face a beautiful woman. She looked young, and had a smile on her face._ Evan almost felt tears come to his eyes. It was his mother.

" _You really didn't have to take up all that time to build him a tree house, Clyde," Heidi said._ Clyde… C. Hansen. This man was Evan's uncle.

" _He's a kid," Clyde said, "He deserves to at least have some fun. And you're so busy. You deserve to relax. And it's not like my brother would take the time to build his son a treehouse."_

" _Speaking of your brother, he'll be home soon," Heidi said, "I'll tell him you stopped by to visit."_

" _He won't care," Clyde chuckled, "He acts like I don't exist."_

 _Heidi hummed in understanding, "He's just been busy with work…"_

 _Heidi trailed off as her son came running back, a look of pure joy on his face._

" _It… it magically appeared…?" Evan said, completely wonder struck._

" _Exactly!" Clyde laughed, before the screen flickered, the video ending._

Evan remained kneeling beside the screen. His mind was blank. His comprehension failed him. The treehouse that he spent his entire residing in had been a gift from the uncle who supposedly caused the divorce between his parents?

His supposed uncle Clyde's words still echoed in his head.

'It's not like my brother would take the time to build his son a tree house.'

His uncle's brother. Evan's father.

The thought of his father being some terrible criminal frightened Evan. What frightened him the most, however, was the fact that no matter how hard he tried, Evan could remember nothing regarding his own dad.

Evan's thoughts were cut short as he heard the rustling of keys in the door. Quickly, Evan unplugged the small television, lifting it and sliding it into the space between his bed and the wall. As the door opened, he quickly turned around to see Jared standing in the doorway.

"H-Hey," Evan quickly said, slipping his thumbs through the belt loop holes in his pants. Jared raised an eyebrow with a grin.

"Hey yourself," he said, stepping inside as he closed the door, "What's up?"

"Oh, uh, nothing really," Evan quickly stated, his eyes darting to the floor.

Jared shrugged, "Alright."

Jared collapsed down onto his bed with a heavy sigh. After a pause he looked up at Evan.

"You apologize a lot," Jared said, "Have you always been this nervous all the time, or are my good looks just intimidating?"

"I don't… I'm not really sure," Evan said, "I don't remember much from a long time ago. I-I don't really recall how I've 'always been"'

Jared sat up, "Fair enough."

Evan cleared his throat, sitting down on his bed as well, "Where's Connor?"

"Oh, he stayed behind at the school dinner thing," Jared said, leaning back against the wall as he pulled out his laptop, "Something about needing to talk to someone."

Evan nodded as he looked out the window, the room growing silent once more.

* * *

Connor made his way around the chairs and tables in the room. Crowds of students were clustered throughout the common room of Elwood Academy. Connor was only looking for one person.

He knew his sister was attending the "Welcome to Elwood" dinner, and he had to find her before the dinner came to an end.

Out of the corner of his eye, Connor noticed that she was heading toward the door, waving goodbye to a small group of students. Zoe had always been the social sibling. The Murphy parents always made comments on how well she got along with everyone at school, unlike Connor.

Connor made his way through the crowds of people, reaching out and placing a hand on his sister's shoulder.

Zoe turned around, "Connor?"

Connor looked at his sister for a moment, before she crossed her arms.

"What do you want?" she asked.

Connor straightened his posture, awkwardly holding out his hand, "Hi. I'm Connor Murphy, your brother. And since we're starting over at this new school, I wanted… I wanted to start over again with you. I've said things and done things, and Mom and Dad hate me for it… but-"

Connor stopped mid sentence, running his hands through his hair.

"Fuck," he said through clenched teeth, "I'm sorry. I just don't want there to be any dramatic, cliche-movie tension between us, okay?"

Zoe stood, the two of them not making a sound. Connor exhaled, stepping back. How did he ever think this was going to work? Of course Zoe wouldn't want to forgive him after everything he'd done. Connor turned away, stopping when he felt Zoe's hand on his arm. Glancing back, he saw a hopeful expression on his sister's face as she held out her hand.

"Hi, I'm Zoe Murphy, your sister," she said, "And I would love to start over, too."

Connor felt a wave of relief crash down upon him. The tide had finally gone down among his ocean of worries. Starting over. He felt that all of his footprints along the shore could finally be washed away and forgotten.

Connor shook Zoe's hand, and, for the first time in a long time, Connor smiled.

* * *

Evan glanced up to see Connor entering the room.

"Look who finally decided to show up," Jared said, pushing up his glasses, "We're delighted to be graced with your company."

"Are you always this sarcastic?" Connor asked.

"Yeah, I'm pretty much an expert," Jared replied with a shrug.

"So," Connor said as he made his way to his own bed, "Who the hell even are you two? Besides my roommates. Why are you here?"

"W-Why are we here…?" Evan asked.

"Well, kids usually don't get sent off to a boarding school 'just because,'" Connor said, "What're your reasons?"

"I'll tell you why," Jared scoffed, "'Cause my parents don't give a damn. They wouldn't care if I just vanished. So, poof! Here I am."

"Ha!" Connor bitterly laughed, "My dad doesn't care, either. My mom cares too much. They both think I'm a cold-hearted heathen, though. They sent me here to 'get better.'"

The two looked at Evan, who shrunk back.

"I-I uh," Evan said, "I just wanted to help out my mom."

Connor paused, realizing it was a sensitive topic.

"Well," Connor said, "I guess this is going to be a long year."

"Yeah… I guess so…" Evan said quietly, looking down.

Connor laid back with a sigh, "It's getting late."

Jared laughed with a shrug, "My sleep schedule is jacked."

"It's been quite the day, though," Connor replied, "I think that goes for all of us."

Evan nodded, "At least try to get some rest…"

With that, Evan rest his head against his mattress. He tried with all of his might to quiet the buzzing in his head. Thoughts of Clyde and his father seemed to constantly stir throughout his mind.

That night, Evan tossed and turned for what seemed like hours before hearing a whispered voice.

"You're not asleep yet?" Jared's hushed voice said.

"Jared…?" Evan whispered back, "Why are you still awake?"

"Don't worry about it, dude," Jared responded.

There was a pause, and then, Jared did something that surprised Evan.

"If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?" Jared asked silently.

"Anywhere?" Evan asked, "Uh… The Bluebell Woods in England. I grew up with trees. Nature always calms me down…"

"Nice," Jared softly said, "Now, uh… What's your favorite color."

Slightly confused, Evan responded, "Light blue…"

"Morning or night?"

"Morning… I like the sunrise…"

Evan felt his sentences growing slower and slower, his eyelids closing. He felt his worries slowly fade. All he could see were the beautiful Bluebell Woods. Fields of flowers, tinted with a pale blue. The sun could be seen just beyond the trees as it rose, the orange and pink colors spilling across the sky's canvas. The vision filled his head until it slowly faded into a soft, dreamy haze.

"...Evan…?" Jared whispered, "Are you still awake…?"

Jared didn't hear a response, only soft, rhythmic breathing.

"Good," Jared said to himself, realizing Evan had fallen asleep.

Jared then rolled over and closed his eyes, waiting for sleep that he knew wouldn't come.


	4. Vienna

It had been about a week since school had finally started. A week since Evan had seen to the first VHS tape. He couldn't have the dorm room all to himself for very long without one of his roommates coming in, so Evan hadn't gotten the chance to watch any more of them.

Although he still wasn't quite used to his new life at Edelwood's Boarding Academy, Evan felt slightly more adjusted. Between the phone calls from his mother and the playful bantering between Jared and Connor, the schoolwork was quite difficult at Edelwood's. He didn't mind much, though. Evan had always been quite focused on his school studies, and he had always managed to obtain high grades.

The pressure to keep those grades wasn't very strong, but with all of the chaos going on around them, Evan found it near impossible to focus. Ever since the package had arrived, Evan felt his mind race more and more.

One single question still remained in Evan's thoughts. Why did Clyde feel the need to send the tapes in the first place?

Evan dreaded the answer.

* * *

Alana took a deep breath as she gritted her teeth and closed her eyes, holding her head in her hands. Piles of textbooks, notebooks, and paper lay scattered about in front of her, illuminated by the colorful fairy lights that hung above. She had been up for countless hours since the night before.

"Alana…?"

Alana quickly turned around in her chair to see her roommate, Zoe, leaning against the wall.

"You've been up for who knows how long. When I went to sleep, you were up studying. When I woke up, you were still in the same place. Did you even sleep at all?" Zoe asked, sounding a slight bit concerned.

"I took a quick break," Alana said, "Don't worry, really. It's just… I've had to do extra work for all of these advanced classes."

Zoe sat on the edge of the desk, "'Lana, it's a Friday. Instead of getting a head start for next week, why don't you take it easy and go visit your parents?"

"My parents would be happier if I just kept studying," Alana sighed as she leaned back in her chair, "Getting the best grades has always been important to them. If I don't, they'll be so disappointed in me..."

Alana trailed off, and Zoe felt herself frown. She paused, and then stood, heading over to her vinyl record.

"Hey, Alana," Zoe said.

"Yeah?"

"I'm leaving to visit home, but… want you to listen to this," Zoe said, as she began to play an old record, before grabbing her keys. With a knowing smile, she gave a quick wave, leaving Alana alone in their room as the music began to drift from the old record player.

" _Slow down you crazy child_

 _You're so ambitious for a juvenile_

 _But then if you're so smart tell me,_

 _Why are you still so afraid?_

 _Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?_

 _You better cool it off before you burn it out_

 _You got so much to do and only_

 _So many hours in a day…"_

Alana felt herself laugh a bit as the music continued. Zoe certainly knew how to take her mind off of everything. Closing her book, Alana stood and moved her work aside. For the first time in a while, she felt herself relax.

Alana felt… calm.

Maybe it was because of Zoe. Wonderful, kindhearted Zoe, who showed up in Alana's life, filling it with beautiful things like music and twinkling lights.

Alana felt herself smile widely as she let her eyes close, resting her head against her pillow.

" _But you know that when the truth is told_

 _That you can get what you want or you can just get old_

 _You're gonna kick off before you even_

 _Get halfway through_

 _When will you realize, Vienna waits for you…"_

* * *

Connor walked down the sidewalk, watching as the streetlights passed. It was late in the evening, and he'd already told Zoe that he refused to go home for the weekend. One of the only good things about moving to Edelwood's was the fact that he didn't have to spend day after day surrounded by his parents.

Sometimes, Connor just needed to walk.

Back at home, it was one of the only ways that Connor could escape the constant dark clouds that surrounded him. He would just go outside and wander in the crisp air of the evening. On occasion, he would smoke to calm his nerves.

However, starting things over with his sister at the new school came with a price. Zoe made him promise to stop doing drugs once and for all,

That hadn't stopped Connor from keeping a pack of cigarettes with him just in case. In case the feeling of being overwhelmed and alone consumed him. In case the dark waves came crashing down upon him, leaving him like an emotionless puppet. At times, it seemed like there were few things besides inhaling the smoke that made him feel anything at all.

So Connor walked, distancing himself from the toxic realities of his life. Sometimes he wished that he could distance himself from who he was.

Connor felt his phone buzz from his pocket, Zoe's contact name flashing on the screen.

"Hey," Connor said, answering the phone.

"Hey," Zoe replied, "Mom's car just pulled up to the school. Are you sure you don't want to come back home and visit for the weekend?"

"Zoe-"

"I know. I know you don't want to be around the family, but, I just thought you'd want to spend some time back home. Just for a little while."

"I'd rather not," Connor said, "I'll be fine here."

"Won't you be all alone, though?" Zoe asked.

"I won't be. I have friends here," Connor hesitated to say. He didn't exactly know if considered his two roommates as friends. Of course, they were just about as nice as capable to one another. Most of their interactions consisted of snappy jokes and fooling around. They never lasted too terribly long, though.

"Alright," Zoe said after a pause, "I'll be back late Sunday."

"Ok," Connor said, "Bye, then."

Connor heard a click, then silence. Putting his phone back in pocket, he let out a sigh.

He couldn't hide from his family for the rest of his life.

* * *

Evan paced back and forth in his dorm room. Connor was out on a walk, and Jared was out somewhere else. _Probably with other friends,_ Evan figured.

He nervously fidgeted with the second VHS tape in his hand. He sat with the old television resting on the top of his bed. Taking a deep breath, he put in the second tape. He had to know why they were sent to him in the first place.

The screen flashed on, illuminating everything in front of him.

 _Evan was running through the grass with a joyous smile on his young face. From behind the camera, Heidi spoke._

" _And, you're sure you don't mind watching him? I don't want to be bothersome," Heidi said._

" _It's no problem at all," Clyde's voice responded, "Besides, I don't want you to have unnecessary worries. You're already preoccupied as it is."_

" _Thank you," Heidi said, "I just don't want him at home while his dad is there. You know how Joseph can be after he gets home from one of his business trips…"_

Joseph Hansen. Evan's father.

" _I wouldn't want him to make a bad impression on Evan," Clyde said._

" _Alright," Heidi said, "And, be careful. Don't hurt your hands any more than they are."_

" _They're fine, Heidi. Just a few little scratches."_

" _Clyde, you've been wearing bandages for a week now."_

" _It was worth it. I may have hurt myself a bit building that tree house, but the look on Evan's face made it worth it."_

 _There was a bit of silence, until Clyde laughed._

" _This thing's still on? Thought I turned it off," Clyde said, the camera shifting, the screen going black._

Evan sat in silence.

His mother didn't want Evan to be at home with his father.

What did she mean when she referred to "how Joseph can be after he gets home from one of his business trips?"

Evan heard a knock on his door, and a voice from outside.

"Hey!" Jared said from outside, "I kinda left my room keys on my bed. Mind letting me in?"

"G-Got it-!" Evan quickly said as he unplugged the TV, placing it back behind his bed, along with the box of other VHS tapes. He quickly rose to his feet and opened the door, Jared walking in and sitting down onto his bed.

"Woah, what were you doing in here?" Jared asked, "Writing in your diary? Jerking off? Both?"

"N-No! Neither," Evan said, "I was doing neither."

Jared laughed a bit, "If you say so!"

Evan coughed a bit, fidgeting with the sheets on his bed.

"So," Jared said, attempting a conversation, "You're not going home this weekend?"

"No," Evan said. His mother had to work extra over the weekend after someone at the hospital had a family emergency and couldn't be there. Evan thought it would be best if he stayed.

"I take it you're unwanted back at home, then," Jared said with a smirk, "Kidding. I'm kidding. I'm staying, too."

Jared let out a small laugh as he adjusted his glasses.

"If anyone's unwanted at home, it's me. Hell, I'm probably unwanted here too…" Evan heard Jared mumble in a somewhat joking tone, trailing off slowly.

Evan looked up to see that Jared was now leaning forward, a new expression on his face.

"W-What…?" Evan asked.

"You have no idea how to let go and loosen up," Jared smirked.

"What?" Evan asked again, "Jared, I-"

"Nope!" Jared said, jumping to his feet as he grabbed his phone, "Right here, right now. You're gonna learn to be more confident and not worry all the time!"

Jared looked up with a wide grin as he tapped his phone screen, music beginning to blare from the small speaker he had plugged it into. The opening guitar to some old Beatles song began to play.

"Jared, why-"

"Come on. Right now. No more being awkward and quiet," Jared said.

Evan began to smile a bit as Jared turned on his heel, posing dramatically in time with the music.

"If I have to make a fool of myself, so do you!" Jared said as he jumped about. He looked more like he was flailing about rather than dancing, "Do I look like an awkward pre-teen dancing at a Bar Mitzvah yet?"

Evan finally allowed himself to let out a laugh. A real, genuine laugh. Jared seemed to notice, as he stepped forward and grabbed Evan's shoulders, pulling him to his feet.

"I'm not about to be the only one making a fool of myself," Jared smirked, "Don't you make me start singing, too."

"No, wait, Jared-"

"Too late! _Baby, you can drive my car!_ " Jared sang at the top of his lungs, practically yelling.

Evan's sides hurt from laughing as Jared imitated some teen pop icon, singing along with the loud music.

" _Yes I'm gonna be a sta-_ "

Jared's singing was cut short as the door opened. Connor stood in the doorway, looking rather confused and unamused.

"What the hell are you even doing?" Connor deadpanned.

"It's called being idiots," Jared said matter-of-factly, "It's necessary every once and awhile."

"Yeah, well I'd appreciate if you didn't do it right now," Connor said as he stopped the music, earning a middle finger gesture from Jared.

"Killjoy," Jared said.

"How did you manage to mess up the room this much?" Connor asked, "Even the light on the ceiling is uneven."

"Yeah, just like your hairline," Jared said jokingly.

Evan laughed a bit, and Connor looked over in surprise. He looked back at Jared.

"Did he just laugh at that? Jared, what have you done to him? He's turning into you," Connor remarked.

"No way," Evan said with a smidge of snarkiness, "Like I'd ever want to do _that_."

Quickly realizing what he'd said, he covered his mouth.

"S-Sorry," Evan apologized, "I didn't mean to insult-"

"I _knew_ you could do it!" Jared said, "You made a sarcastic comment!"

Jared burst into a fit of laughter, and Connor rolled his eyes. Evan could notice that Connor was smiling slightly as he crossed his arms. Surprisingly, Evan _did_ feel more relaxed. He wasn't worried about a thing. The thoughts clouding his head seemed to suddenly vanish.

Maybe life in this new environment wouldn't be as difficult as he thought.


	5. Relief

"So, I take it you heard about the party?" Zoe asked as she placed her homework into her bag. Ever since they began to talk more casually, Connor agreed to help Zoe with some of her homework after school. The two siblings would sit on a bench in the courtyard and talk. They rarely got work done.

"Party?" Connor asked, setting down his notebook.

Zoe nodded her head, "The student council is putting together a 'Welcome to Edelwood' extravaganza or something. It's to welcome the new students."

"Sounds…" Connor said, "How do I put this lightly…?"

"Unbearable?" Zoe finished.

"Bingo."

Zoe laughed, "I bet 20 bucks you'd get approached by a preppy cheerleader squawking about how fantastic the school is within the first 10 minutes."

"I bet it takes only 5 minutes," Connor replied.

"You're on," Zoe smirked.

Things had been a lot easier between the two. Though there were still moments every now and then, the siblings were less tense around each other. Zoe sighed and supported her weight on her hands as she leaned back on the bench.

"I dunno, I'm probably gonna end up going. I want to bring my roommate. She's been working herself to death, and she deserves to get out of her own head a little, y'know? I mean, it's only the second week of school."

Connor shrugged, "I admire your devotion to your newfound girlfriend-"

Connor dodged Zoe's swatting hand as he continued to speak.

"But, I still don't think I'm going. Parties aren't really my _thing_. Too much interaction with drunk, dumb, fucked-up teenagers."

"Come _on!_ " Zoe said, "You've gotta go! You're going to end up as an old cat person who spends all of his life secluding himself from the world!"

"Zoe, I'm _not_ going," he said, crossing his arms.

Zoe put her arms up in mock-surrender, knowing not to push her brother any further.

"Alright," she said, "If you say so."

She looked up, noticing that the sun's warm glow was beginning to sink down into the horizon. She slid her textbook into her bag, before hauling it over her shoulder and straightening her posture.

"I'm gonna head back to my room," Zoe said.

"I'm going to stay here for a while longer," Connor exhaled.

"Cool," she said, "See you."

"See you."

Zoe turned, making her way back to the girls' building. It had taken a week for her to adjust to school life, but it helped to have her brother there with her. Not like she'd ever tell him, though.

Zoe unlocked her door, pushing it open as she stepped into her room, letting her bag fall to the floor. Looking ahead, her expression fell into a frown.

Alana was laying with her head on the desk, papers and books scattered everywhere. She had worked herself to exhaustion again.

Zoe sighed. She needed to do something about this.

Moving forward, she gently moved her roommate's head from the desk and lifted her up, carrying her to her bed. Zoe noted the fact that Alana's bed looked as if it hadn't even been slept in yet at _all._

Zoe carefully placed her down, covering her with a blanket.

" _Be more careful, okay_ …?" she whispered.

Whatever it took, Zoe decided she would help Alana.

* * *

Evan shivered in the cold air as he dried his hair with a towel. Connor was out doing homework with his sister, and Jared was… somewhere, so he decided to shower while he had the room to himself. He needed to take every chance that he had to clear his head from everything that was happening.

Between classes, roommates, and countless thoughts about the VHS tapes, Evan was feeling overwhelmed. More overwhelmed than usual.

It felt as if the events occurring in his life were rising from the ground, growing and swelling, only seconds away from entirely suffocating him. _Why did Evan know nothing about his uncle? What brought an end to his parents' marriage? What kind of a man was his father? Why can he only remember certain things from his childhood?_

Evan rested his head against the glass of his shower door, watching as the drops of water slowly ran down the glass. He let his eyes flutter shut as his breath fogged the glass.

He was always told that nobody knew him more than he knew his own self. How could that be true when he barely knew anything about himself?

He sighed, pushing open the door, the cold air rushing in and greeting him with a sudden embrace. As he shrugged on his simple pajamas, he was still unable to quiet the stirring hurricane of voices in his head. They spoke louder than his words ever would.

 _No,_ _he couldn't let his thoughts devour him,_

Evan opened the bathroom door and stepped into his room, immediately jumping in surprise.

"J-Jared?"

Jared looked up from his laptop from where he sat on his bed.

"And, you're so shocked to see me because… why…?" Jared asked, adjusting his glasses.

"You're just, uh, you're back. I didn't know… you were-" Evan said, not knowing how to finish his initial thought. Jared laughed at this.

"Why are you already in pajamas? It's five o'clock in the afternoon," Jared said, "I mean, granted I'm probably not doing anything for the rest of the day, either."

"I'm just tired…" Evan said.

Jared shrugged, "I can believe that. Most mornings you wouldn't wake up if the sun slapped you in the face."

Evan laughed a bit. He did fall into the habit of sleeping in. He did wake up before his other roommate, Connor, though. _That's odd_. Evan didn't really pin Jared to be a bright-eyed early-riser.

 _Speaking of Connor…_

The door flew open as Connor trudged into the room, dropping his bag down onto the carpet floor. Almost immediatley, he stubled forward, collapsing face-first into his bed and letting out a long, over-exaggerated groan. Jared laughed.

"Shut up," Connor said, his voice muffled by the pillow, "I never want to see a textbook ever again."

"I take it studying went well?" Jared asked. In response, Connor sent a pillow flying in Jared's direction, promptly hitting him in the face and knocking off his glasses.

"Bitch!" Jared yelled, earning a smirk from Connor.

"It couldn't have been _that_ bad," Evan said, playing with the fabric of his pajama shirt.

"I just _despise_ having to go to school where teachers look down on you, but somehow expect you to achieve above and beyond their expectations. _Then_ , after you've spent countless hours in hell, you have to go back home and sit through even more hours of work," Connor said.

Evan nodded a bit, biting his bottom lip. It wasn't the answer he expected, but he could see Connor's point nonetheless.

"I-It would be nice if we could have a break…" Evan said.

"Who says we can't?" Jared asked, having successfully located his glasses.

"The school system." Connor responded.

"No, I meant-"

"The government."

"Listen-"

"The mind-controlling tyrants known as common adults."

"Jesus christ! Calm down, My Chemical Romance!" Jared said, "I was just saying, why don't we put everything on hold. One night of slacking off won't brudally murder us, why don't we give all of this shitty stress and school work a break and watch a movie or something?"

Connor paused, looking at Evan and then back to Jared.

"That's actually not such a terrible idea," Connor said, "And that's saying a lot. It came from Jared."

"You wound me, Connor. You really do," Jared deadpanned.

"I'm not against it," Evan commented.

"My sister only has one roommate, so they turned their third bed into a kind of couch. And we have that old TV in the corner. I'm sure we could crash over there. Plus, Zoe is obsessed with movies. I know for sure she at least brought one," Connor said.

"I-I'll get the TV," Evan said as he walked to the corner of the room, picking up the old, box-shaped television, and making sure to slide the box of VHS tapes carefully under his bed. One night without stress might just work miracles.

* * *

"We're here, bitches!" Connor said as he opened Zoe's room. Sitting on her bed was Zoe, carefully stumming an acoustic guitar. Her face lit up.

"Heck yeah! Movie night…!" She said as Evan set down the small TV, plugging it in. He looked up, immediatley recognizing Connor's sister. It was the girl he always noticed playing guitar out by the school's courtyard. He'd always thought she was… _really pretty_. Not that he'd ever get around to actually starting a conversation with her, though.

"Evan, this is my sister Zoe. Zoe, Evan. And this fuckwad is Jared," Connor said.

"That's Sir Fuckwad to you, peasant," Jared said as he crossed his arms.

"Hey," Zoe waved with a smile. Evan waved back, suddenly forgetting how to form words.

"Oh, hello," Zoe's roommate said, as she took out an earbud, looking up from her work, "I'm Alana Beck."

A bit of awkward silence passed as everyone stood for a moment.

"So, what are we watching…?" Connor asked. Zoe immediatley broke out into a huge grin.

"It's a surprise!" Zoe said as she turned on the TV and placed in a disk. The three boys, along with Zoe piled onto the makeshift couch. Alana turned her attention back to her work.

"A-Aren't you going to watch the movie with us…?" Evan asked.

"O-Oh, I really should study…" Alana said.

"Whaaaat…? Nuh-uh. No way," Jared piped up, "You're in my science class, and you're, like, a super-genius. You're already super ahead, right?"

"What Jared said!" Zoe called out, "Come on! You won't die if you watch a movie."

Despite her urge to keep pusing herself, Alana stood and made her way over to the others as she sat down. The screen flickered to reveal the title of the movie: "Sharknado."

"No. Fuck no," Connor said, "This. This is the worst movie to ever appear on the face of the earth."

"This is a cinematic masterpiece!" Jared yelled in response.

"It's one of the best _worst_ movies of all time!" Zoe added on.

"I'm not-"

"Too late, it's starting-!"

Throughout the movie, all five teenagers spent the time laughing at the poor quality and storyline, making fun of the ridiculous acting as the film seemed to slowly trudge along. It was the hardest Evan had laughed, really laughed, in quite some time.

All anxiety and pressure from school seemed to melt away. The tension and awkwardness vanished, instantly replaced with laughter.

By the end of the movie, Connor had completely fallen asleep, along with Alana. Zoe smiled. It was the first time she'd seen Alana fall asleep somewhere other than a desk.

As the quiet credits rolled across the screen, Zoe had reached for her guitar once more, softly playing as she let her eyes close. She never would've thought that she could feel so at home when home seemed to be so far away. As she delicatley strummed the strings of her instrument, she allowed a warm smile to come across her face.

"I've never been used to having people to, uh, hang out with…" Evan said quietly, trying not to disturb Connor or Alana.

"So, like, friends?" Jared asked.

"Um…" Evan trailed off, looking down, "Well, not like… I-If you don't think, I mean… If you don't want to be-"

"Dude," Jared laughed, "You don't have to be scared to call us your friends. I think I can speak for everyone, even Connor and Alana who are basically passed out at the moment, that we consider you as a friend, man."

"Woah," Evan said, "That was actually really nice…?"

Jared shrugged, "I'm not a _total_ dick. Besides, I guess that's kind of what _I_ always needed to be told… Someone deserves to say it to you, too."

Evan was surprised. He never would've expected Jared of all people to be the one saying things like this.

"But, yeah, that's enough of that," Jared quickly said with a smirk, "I'll be back to my annoying self as soon as Connor wakes up."

Evan smiled as the room fell back into silence. The glow of the Christmas lights above danced around the room. It was like the lights were dancing to the soft music that came from Zoe's guitar. Evan let himself close his eyes as the music tenderly floated throughout the room.

He had a feeling he wouldn't ever have to feel the feeling of aching loneliness at Edelwood's. Not as long as there were friends around. His friends.


End file.
